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A special evening

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I know there is no hope for a relationship. She is leaving in two weeks to return to her home in a different country, and the circumstances of her life prevent her from being in a relationship. I get it, I understand it, and I accept the realities of the situation. I’m not letting my mind wander and dream about a relationship with her; I’m focusing on being happy with the time we have together. But I know as her departure gets closer it will be difficult to maintain this perspective. I can already feel the beginnings of the void her leaving will cause. I know I will miss her terribly and that there will be heartbreak. I suppose in a way I’m trading happiness in the present for pain in the future. Is this what my life is to consist of, settling for temporary romance knowing there will be a price to pay for that decision? We’ll see how I deal with this after she’s gone and how much pain it causes and whether I retreat into myself and take refuge from the hurt, or continue to put myself out there. I already know the answer, because I have a tender heart and I feel things deeply. I’ve always debated whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing to feel so deeply, and whether it’s better to feel too much or too little.

Yesterday had been a difficult day at work and I was feeling really stressed and needed to get out of the house, so I texted her and asked if she wanted to go get dinner, and she said yes. I picked her up and we went to a Thai restaurant and had a nice dinner and talked a lot. When we’ve gone out previously it had always been to clubs where it’s difficult to have a conversation because it’s so crowded and loud, so it was really nice to be able to have a good conversation.

After we finished dinner we drove around for a while and went up to the Hollywood Hills and she showed me all the views and indulged me while I did the tourist thing and took a few pictures. Then we drove to the Griffith Park Observatory and got out and just held each other while we looked out at the view of Los Angeles. It was one of those magical moments where everything seemed right in the world; it was a beautiful night, the view was amazing, and I was sharing a hug with a woman who has come to mean a lot to me. It was such an intensely romantic moment, and I wanted it to last forever. But it was late and we were getting tied, so we drove back and I dropped her off at her house.

It was so wonderful to just hold hands and talk and spend the evening together and to get to know more about her; and it was a night that will forever stay with me. Sometimes it’s the simple things which are the most special.

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